Family Lawyers: Why Your Client Needs to Become Teflon-Coated
April 7, 2026
We are pleased to reproduce here some very good advice from High-Conflict Divorce Coach and Strategist, Stacey Mendelson. She advises the recipient of provocative communications: “stop allowing the other person’s behaviour to dictate [your] emotional state or [your] decision-making”. If you can do that, then there are some very tangible benefits to be had. The key here is “refusing to allow someone else’s behaviour to dictate your reactions”. These are wise words from someone who knows how to effectively navigate high conflict divorce/separation.
The instinct to fight back.
One of the hardest lessons for people going through a high-conflict divorce is this:
Fighting back usually makes the conflict worse.
Their ex sends a nasty email. They respond with a longer one.
Their ex makes accusations. They defend themselves point by point.
But in high-conflict dynamics, this reaction often fuels the very behaviour they want to stop.
Why high-conflict personalities thrive on reaction.
High-conflict personalities feed on reaction.
They provoke. They threaten. They escalate minor issues into major battles.
And when the other parent reacts emotionally — defending themselves, explaining, arguing — the conflict machine keeps running.
Every response becomes another opportunity for escalation.
The misconception many clients have.
Most clients believe the solution is simple:
“My ex needs to stop behaving like this.”
But experienced family lawyers know the reality.
You usually cannot make a high-conflict person behave differently.
Trying to control their behaviour simply drains three critical resources:
- emotional energy • legal resources • credibility with court professionals
The strategic shift: becoming Teflon-coated.
The strategic move is something entirely different.
It is to become impervious.
Teflon-coated.
Ambivalent to the provocations.
This does not mean clients stop advocating for themselves or their children.
It means they stop allowing the other person’s behaviour to dictate their emotional state or their decision-making.
What happens when a client becomes Teflon-coated.
When clients reach this mindset, several important things begin to happen.
First, the conflict loses oxygen.
Second, communication becomes cleaner and more strategic. Responses become shorter, calmer, and useful evidence in a custody assessment
Third, court professionals can see who the problem parent is. The contrast makes it obvious. Fourth, It keeps our clients healthier. Less circulating cortisol. Less stress induced diseases.
Lastly, it makes the lawyer’s job WAYYYY easier. Counsel are able to focus their time and energy on the issues that actually move the case forward.
Teflon-coated does not mean disengaged.
Being Teflon-coated does not mean a client stops caring.
Ambivalence simply means refusing to allow someone else’s behaviour to dictate your reactions.
It is emotional discipline.
And for many litigants navigating high-conflict divorce, learning to become Teflon-coated is one of the most powerful strategic shifts they can make.
